“I hate you, Dad.”

I’ve heard this line more than a few times over the last few years, typically directed at me by my teenage son and most often followed by a dramatic exiting of the room and a house-rocking door slam.

But this time, just before the departure/door amplification crescendo, my son turned around to add an impromptu verbal coda:

“Oh, and by the way, when I apologize tomorrow and tell you that I love you, I want you to know that I’m lying.”

In a way, I kind of admired him for that line.  In the inevitable power-grab of parent/child relationships, that statement effectively put our status into a Matrix-like vortex, with its “what is real and what is an illusion?” framework keeping things in doubt at all times.  Clever boy, that one.

(Side note:  I know that even the possibility of discussing the complications of one’s parenting journey is hair-raising, and that some of you may be shocked that I’d express any concerns at all.  Rest assured that I love my son, I’d do anything for him, etc etc. But if any of you think of fatherhood as a non-stop blissfest that provides nothing but constant joy and happiness while love bunnies float magically in the air sprinkling candy dust on your eternally happy children…well, good for you.  Call me the first time your teenager tells you to fuck off.)

I’d like to say that every one of our disagreements/arguments/apocalyptic meltdowns are my son’s fault.  

I’d like to say that, so I will. They’re all his fault. Glad that’s settled.

But really, I know there are more complicated factors at play.  I may not always show the most self-control in those moments (I can actually visualize my wife spitting up her protein shake as she reads this).  My choices to elevate a conflict to “make a point” are well known in my domicile. My wife has read every parenting book ever published in the US (and Canada), and has heeded advice from every single one of them.  But the chapters on “Choose Your Battles” and “Be The Adult In The Relationship” seemed to slip through my limited cognitive abilities.

So yeah, some of this may be on me too.

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